Where you're so bored you almost WANT to do something productive, but at the same time so blah feeling that you can't quite muster up the energy? That's how I feel today.
Dan is taking a nap (yes, this is Hilary writing) because he's been sick for the past few days. He ended up not preaching on Sunday night. Any time he gets sick beyond his normal every day sick, I freak out. I'm always convinced he's suddenly on his deathbed. Something tells me this is not healthy.
His being sick always frustrates me so much because I am so HELPLESS. I can't do anything about it. I can't even make him go see a doctor, because the odds are 20 to 1 that it is just his sinuses, therefore the doctor can't do anything, therefore why waste money? I vary between agreeing with his assessment on this and being desperate to do ANYTHING that will get him healthy faster. It hurts me so much to see him sick and know there is nothing I can do. The only cure is sinus medicine and lots of sleep. Sometimes I want to yell at God and ask why He made Dan with faulty sinuses. But of course 1 that's a theological inaccuracy, and 2 I have a feeling sinuses are just Dan's (and by extension one of my) thorn in the side.
Is there such thing as a mid-internship doldrums? Cause I think I have a bad case of that. Nothing is shiny-new anymore, and the time left seems to both stretch out before me like a never ending ocean and crunch up like a tiny puddle. There is practically no time left. There is too much time left. It is a contradiction I don't quite know how to process. I suffer from a sense of urgency (everything must get done NOW) and a sense of lackadaisicalness (I have plenty of time to get everything done) and it's kind of gotten me paralyzed.
One thing I've noticed is that strengths and weaknesses are never just strengths or just weaknesses. Both are a combination of both. A strength of Dan's and my marriage is that we push and inspire each other. A weakness is that neither of us likes to get anything done unless we are working together. It's two sides of one problem and the balancing point is very narrow indeed.
All right, well you should probably just ignore my random musings. It's just one of those days.
Love,
Hilary
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Hilary/Dan,
ReplyDeleteHave you guys ever read Ecclesiastes 4:9 through 12? I love this Scripture because it sums up your marriage pretty well: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But, pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But, how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." The three strands I believe are, God in the middle, you and Dan on either side. This is why you two are so perfect for each other!
A couple years ago when I was at my old church, our youth group did a scavenger hunt in a neighborhood - that was fun! We had to knock on people's doors and ask for the items we needed. About 99% of it was accepted OK. Sounds like you guys had fun despite the mall cops - wasn't there just a movie out about that - Mall Cop? Something like that.
I have a suggestion for Dan's sinus difficulties.....from someone who also has problems like that (me). During the warm months like right now, take a 250 mg vitamin C every day, but don't take more than that despite what people say, because too much vitamin C can cause kidney stones to form. I am a kidney stone former and I was told that by a doctor. You can also take B-Complex along with the vitamin C, and also a good daily vitamin. This will help build you up for the winter ahead. If you put a spoonful of Vicks Vaporub into a steaming sink full of hot water, let it melt a little, put a towel over your head and bow your face down toward the water and inhale through your nose. It does help even though it doesn't smell so good, lol!
You're in my prayers often, and I will especially keep you in my prayers now, since you're going through a rough patch. Love you two, and am enjoying reading your blogs!
Love, "Aunt" Marta
=( I'm sorry you feel that way Hilary. I hope things turn around soon and you find some joy in the internship. Mid-internship doldrums sounds a lot like mid-relationship doldrums where the high of being in love wears off and you're no longer under a heavy influence of serotonin and the other chemicals released in that state. But, still, it's not about the high. That feeling really is just chemicals and it's not what counts in God's eyes. What counts is that you choose to do it, whatever it may be. Love does not come from the heart, it comes from the soul. Your concious, rational experience that chooses to do what is right.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the best advice I can give is to just endure. This passage from Romans says it:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
I'll pray you guys persevere effectively. I hope Dan feels better soon. Helplessness sucks. =( *BIG HUG!*
For the record, I don't mean to compare your internship to something as silly as an immature relationship high. It was just an observation of the similarities. The internship is much more important and less silly.